3.10.2004
Thing That Is Retarded and Makes Me Angry #4: When someone is asking a question and they interrupt themselves because the answer has suddenly occurred to them, and then tell you to never mind. This incurs fury because: (1) I just dropped whatever the hell I was doing -- no doubt more important -- to listen and I have been left hanging in a half-conversation that started but never quite finished; (2) I get this feeling that they do know and do remember but asked me in a ploy to puff up their own egos and put me in my intellectual place; (3) This is especially true if it turns out that I don't know the answer anyway; (4) They often don't actually say the recalled answer out loud, which sometimes spurs up my curiosity and, as mentioned in #1, leaves me hanging; and (5) They almost never apologize for taking up your time or say something simple and easy like "Thanks, anyway" for the pure sake of courtesy.
Has this blog become mine? Sweet ass. - Sean
Addendum: Sean ... When I get back from my jail sentence, I'm going to eat your unborn children. Where's Yolia? I told her to ride your ass while I was gone. - Gloria
2.24.2004
Thing That Is Retarded and Makes Me Angry #3: Being surprised by PST & GST (which, in Ontario, is a bastardly combined 15%).
I hate it -- hate it, God -- when I'm buying groceries or porn and I find out the grand total is several dollars more than what I've been expecting.
See, I'm a guy that likes to look ahead. I don't like to look ahead that much -- for instance, I can't plan so far that I can figure out how I'm going to survive tomorrow without the two pints of blood I'm selling today.
But, I do like to take out my money and get it ready before I give it to the cashier. This way, I don't keep everyone waiting while I dig around my groin for it. This is not because I'm nice -- I can hear Yolia calling you a schmuck now -- but because I fear for my own safety. Have you ever been grocery shopping? If you have, you know that it's a scientific fact that people only go to the supermarket when they're extremely stressed, high-strung, and on the brink of brutal murder.
Moving on. This predicament is especially infuriating if I was planning to get rid of my smaller bills; I hate breaking twenties if I don't have to -- it means a lot of change. This is also worse with larger amounts, since 15% on a $100 item is a lot more than 15% on an $1 item. I know, because I stole Janne's calculator to do the math.
So, either eliminate this fucking tax or just list it with the goddamn price like they do in Europe, for Christ's sake. When you're falling behind a people like the pansy beret-wearing, cigarette-rolling, freedom-compromising French in something as trivial as grocery management, you know you blow. - Sean
2.07.2004
Thing That Is Retarded and Makes Me Angry #2: Back to literacy. Why do literacy ads for the illiterate have instructions to look them up in the Yellow Pages (usually under "LEARN")? Doesn't this involve, yes, reading?
I've also found the actual video of the commercial featured in TTIRAMMA #1. Download it here so you can watch it as many times as you want, or don't want. I never realized how much this Tom looks like Mats Sundin's dumpier brother. - Sean
2.04.2004
Thing That Is Retarded and Makes Me Angry #1: The commercial promoting literacy. I have nothing against literacy, but the commercial itself is just so ... hmm, yes: retarded.
Ok. There is an illiterate man. Why is he illiterate? I don't know. The commercial is the promotion of a Canadian organization, so I presume that he's somewhere in Canada -- which is a well-developed, industrialized First World country, and last time I checked, literate enough despite being a nation of concussive hockey players. The man is from all appearances financially viable, wearing clothing that may or may not have been purchased from Sears. He's also slightly pudgy, awkward, and has a bad chin.
So, again, why is he illiterate? Does the Canadian government randomly suppress its citizens from partaking in its free educational system? Sorry, but this isn't Kuala Lumpur and you're not Hitler.
Anyway. He learns to read amidst the encouraging strings of initially hesitant violins, and he's about to exit the literacy centre, passing by an elderly woman. She's trying to read something tacked onto a poster board in front of her but squints due to her failing eyesight. She is awash with relief when this obviously literate young go-getter struts by. She stops him and points at the paper, asking, "Can you read that?"
If she had asked you or me, who have been literate pretty much all our lives, we would have known that she wanted it read to her. But no. Captain Clever glances at it, smiles, and then says proudly, "Yes, I can." Then he leaves. He leaves. The poor woman is left dazed, confused, and still not knowing what is on the paper.
What the fuck is that all about?
As I've said, I have nothing against literacy. I really don't. No, really. (REALLY. Jesus.) But at least give the commercial a decent ending, maybe fading into optimistic darkness as the man -- after delivering his clever punchline -- actually reads the fucking poster to the elderly woman. That way, we can actually see that he can read, and not just take his word for it (I mean, would you trust a former illiterate?). - Sean
2.01.2004
Recently, our editor decided that instead of sticking to the company's obligation of paying the bills for my anger management therapy, she'd cut costs and convince the courts that allowing me to vent once in a while in the communal blog was sufficient to maintain my mental health. With her natural debating skills (that is to say, a team of ex-East German swimmers), she won.
So here I am. Each day ... week ... month ...
On the occasion when I want to, I will post an item that makes me fill with insane fury, under the title Things That Are Retarded and Make Me Angry. Keep your eyes peeled. Yes. Literally. - Sean
11.17.2003
In December of 2002, an American paid about precisely 26 680 British pounds for 93 random words from the yet unpublished Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
That very much depresses the pauper in me, since 26 680 pounds converts to around 60 015 Canadian dollars. That is more than enough to pay for a full education of four years (residence, tuition, and books) at the University of Toronto. It's also a few times my parents' annual combined income.
The most retarded thing is that the words, although never all published together, appeared to have been, let's say, fucking useless. Here follows a thrilling excerpt:
longest volume ... Ron ... broom ...
sacked ... house-elf ...
new teacher ... dies ... sorry."
Any HP fan would tell you that it's a given in every book that there is a "new teacher" and that long before the book's publication, it was highly publicized that Rowling would be killing someone off. There goes 860 pounds, or 1936 Canadian dollars, for three words.
Someone give me something to strangle, poison, decapitate, or perform taxidermy on. - Yolia
11.16.2003
You sense that the world's screwed when 814 people care to publicly comment on and debate -- no, I'm not joking -- the height spurt of Tom Felton.
See? Even you don't know who he is. - Janne
Wow. Thanks to four simultaneous cases of extreme insomnia, we managed to get all the pages updated in an appropriately slick and stylish manner which will shame your own lame-ass self into girlish tears. - Ed.
11.15.2003
Holy Christ! Welcome to the new, official main page for Wit for Hire. Although we at Wit for Hire are somewhat behind the times in terms of online technology (Sean, for example, thought "blog" was British slang for anal penetration, and has taken to sauntering around the office and whispering seductively, "Blog me, you wanker; blog me!"), we are nonetheless extremely excited to have use of this blog and hope to one day cram it with wit until it explodes and splatters all those around it with bits of our entertaining thoughts. - Ed.
